I’ve been telling myself for awhile now that I’d be ready to share what’s been going on between us once it’s all “figured out,” but I’ve finally reached a point where I feel I’m doing a disservice to, not only myself by not sharing now, but also to you, my faithful followers.
So in this shameless post, I’m gonna tell you:
1. What’s been going on between Lee and me
2. How I have learned to lovingly greet this challenge with open arms
My intention is to make my learnings applicable to your life-sucking situations as well so definitely hold out for that! <3
It all started…
Last winter when another man came into my life that caused me to question my relationship with Lee.
THIS SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!
This guy was open, honest, self-aware, spiritual, driven to succeed, attractive, and loving.
What more could a girl ask for?
My feelings for this other guy were INTENSE. SO INTENSE, in fact, that I felt extremely out of control over my own feelings and, had they’d been acted upon, were sure to hurt Lee, a man I love and have a tremendous amount of respect for…again! (I had broken up with him for another guy 5 years back, and already felt deeply remorseful for this).
Ever feel scared of your own emotions? So Sucks!
I was pissed at myself, thinking, “I already learned this lesson! I learned that I wanted to share my life with Lee in 2011, so why is this happening again? I should know better!”
Oh, if only life were that easy…
So, what did I do?
Well, I did what any good coach would do, I used my tools!
- First of all, I honored the fact that this shit was real and it was here now–like it or not. Acceptance is ALWAYS the first step! 😉
- Second, I meditated (A LOT), great practice for not judging myself through my own process
- Third, I explored my emotions with my awesome coach, Therese, and my BFFs Jacqui, Leigh and Emily
And most importantly,
- I chose to really take a good hard look at myself and MY actions and how they were contributing to my life-sucking situation
In past times that I’ve felt dissatisfied in a relationship, I’d automatically think of all the reasons the other person sucked until I convinced myself that I was right and they were wrong and away I’d go! On to the next one!
This new introspective approach resonated with me.
So I became my own little private investigator.
I asked myself very real questions such as:
What was this other man here to teach me?
What am I learning as a result of this situation?
What I knew:
1. Lee was not meeting my emotional needs.
2. This was partially my fault.
I did not (and am still working on) feeling comfortable with being 100% open and honest with Lee about my feelings because when I did/do, it is his automatic response to get ANGRY–an emotion that actually used to SCARE me as my parents NEVER yelled growing up, nor was yelling tolerated in our house at all.
I tricked myself into thinking that my relationship with Lee was healthy because we “never fought” for many years–and we didn’t!
The truth was,
He was not meeting all my emotional needs AND this WAS partially my fault BECAUSE I was too chicken to ask for them to be met!
How could I ever expect to receive from someone what I was not willing to fight for!?
But…I didn’t quite feel confident enough right off the bat to start this fight YET,
So! I started reading books:
Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus by Dr. John Gray
How Can I Get Through to You? by Terrence Real, Ph.D.
The New Rules of Marriage by Terrence Real, Ph.D.
(I recommend them all) as a way to educate myself on the topic.
These books gave me the confidence and validation I needed to be able to start speaking up for myself and voice my needs/concerns to Lee.
I knew going in that if Lee was willing to participate in learning as well, that we’d have a good chance at making it work. And to my freaking DELIGHT! He was! He read one of the books, and even did some exercises with me to evaluate where we were at and where to go… <3
Our real work as a couple has really just begun, and I have chosen this harder path of really working on it, as opposed to just giving up, as a way to better our relationship, offer Lee an opportunity to learn and grow, and most importantly, to better myself, as I know that my happiness always comes first.
The fact was that:
If I didn’t work on this now, it would’ve ended up coming back to haunt me again later, and there’s no time like the present to learn and grow!
What I hope YOU guys take away from my story:
1) Emotions are real and can feel really strong and scary at times.
2) The sooner you acknowledge and accept that you have these emotions and that they are actually here to teach you very important lessons about yourself, the sooner you will FEEL better and BE better as a whole-hearted human being.
3) Becoming aware of and focusing on the LESSONS you can learn rather than the FEELINGS you feel, puts you back in control of your actions. It’s true what they say, “Wherever your attention goes, your energy flows!” So What are the lessons, lessons, lessons!?
4) Ask for freaking help! Take care of yourself in a healthy way at this time of high emotion
- Find someone who will understand your life-sucking situation because they’ve BEEN THERE (EVERYBODY needs help along the way, so stop feeling afraid and sorry for yourself and go freaking get it! GET HELP. It’s what we’re all here to do! Help each other! Take advantage!)
- Go to a yoga or meditation class or find meditations/yoga stretches on YouTube
- Cry! Scream! Yell! Allow yourself to move through your emotions
These steps all qualify as ones in alignment with taking optimal care of yourself, and EVERYONE freaking deserves that!!
DO NOT deprive yourself of what you deserve, no matter what the cost!
PLEASE, I’M BEGGING YOU, DO NOT let money get in your way of your own personal development!! I frequently see people back out from doing their real work that they are meant to do now because they “can’t afford it,” but let me be your LIVING PROOF that you will make way more money later by investing in your real shit NOW than you ever will by forever stuffing your shit down with all the health-sucking habits you do that are only contributing to your being more unhappy for a longer period of time!
STOP! It’s not worth it!
Our challenges are here to teach us, to make us stronger, and to make us ultimately happier and healthier.
The worst thing you can do is stuff it down.
Honor your life-sucking situations,
Trust the process,
Get some help,
and begin doing
Your Real Work.
If you benefitted from this, please
COMMENT BELOW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE TAKING AWAY!
FEEDBACK REALLY HELPS ME TO KNOW HOW MY HONESTY/VULNERABILITY IS HELPING OTHERS and it Keeps Me Motivated to keep doing it! Thank you so much, friends! Sending you lots of love and peace. xoxo.